when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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