Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
