her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
