Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm getting married
To pizza
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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