I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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