u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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