# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
