Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize