You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
