i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
