my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
