What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
