Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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