he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
