she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
