dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
