alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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