I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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