They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
