Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
