Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
