It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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