Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
