I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
