1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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