im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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