i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
