Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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