fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
