haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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