i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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