I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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