on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
