Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
