Porn is love you can see.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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