we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
