U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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