I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
