OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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