I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
