it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
