im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
