My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.