How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??