i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.