I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?