Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?