i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet