Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
