your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize