her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
