Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's official drugs can't kill me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
