but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
