i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
