peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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