help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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