I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
