you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
