if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
