He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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