Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
