Your face is a jimmy john
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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