I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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