in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
