is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
