He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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