Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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