Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
3 2 1 whiskey
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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