After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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